@AshToTheFuture: Earlier today I thought I needed a divorce but it turns out I was just hungry.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BuckyIsotope: Vladimir Putin seems like the kind of guy who would fake a sneeze and flip the board over when he's losing at Risk.
@Plurmo: "What should we call the big finger?" "'Thumb' seems as good as any." "Impressive. What about this smallest one?" "PINKY!" "............."
@_Heather82: Doctor: Looks like you're pregnant. Me: I'm pregnant? Doctor: No it just looks like you are.