@prontopup

“‘Earth’ without ‘the’ is just ‘ar’.” – Pirates

If you haven’t seen “Earth without art is just eh” then you prolly didn’t like this tweet.

You Might Also Like

@lovemydogduck

I have an eating disorder. I’m about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.

@Slyvally

“if you slap kirby, does he jiggle?”

if you slap kirby, you die

@LafWhenLifeSux

My dog thinks her entire family was murdered by a hula hoop, there’s just no other explanation.

@traciebreaux

Me:
Husband:
Me:
Husband:
Me:
Husband:
Me: moves 1 centimetre
Husband: I’ll take a bowl of ice-cream while you’re up

@TySmithdrums

When I’m at a bar with my cousin she doesn’t think it’s funny when I yell ‘BUT HE’S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST!’ every time the music dies down.

@Sarcasticsapien

I think first dates should just be writing down the bad stuff from your past and sliding it across the table like you’re making an offer.

@mishakey

Don’t forget to check your backseat for murderers! Haha! No, but seriously bring me a coke it’s hot in here.

@WigCannon

before stairs there’d be someone on the second floor and people would ask “how’d you get up there” and they’d be like “i don’t know”

@PeterKispert

Will I ever see the word “antipasta” on a menu and not think on dumb reflex “wow, pasta’s nemesis”

@TheRealRHB

Just because I reported several women to HR for not washing their hands after using the rest room doesn’t mean the camera they found is mine