@bigmacher: Me: "Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.

@JimmerThatisAll: Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to do something, I forget what, but it's something inconvenient.

@Poutymcgee: A tiny Tarzan swinging from your Tampon string.

@Marlebean: Honey, do you think if we met now instead of 15 years ago, we'd still marry each other? {turn to see husband shaped hole in the wall}

@GreenishDuck: Crabs always look like they're walking themselves out of an awkward situation.