According to WebMD, given my symptoms, I died 9 years ago.
Eating Doritos is fun, but there’s always that one that gets in your mouth and decides it’s not gonna die without putting up a fight, so it stands up and pokes you in the gums.
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Stranger man at the beach asked me, “Y’all got a boat?” I said we have three, but they’re old Fisher-Price models.
It took him a moment.
I’m sure it’s fine.
A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed.
It’s with great sadness that I must say goodbye to you all!
My boyfriend and I argued over how much time I spend on here. He said I must choose between y’all or him. So, I’m gonna be offline for a couple minutes while I help him pack & call him an Uber … I’ll be right back
Me: WHOOMP! there it is.
Detective: Please stop saying that every time you find a clue.
The Wizard of Oz (1939): A Kansas runaway discovers the psychedelic powers of blunt-force head trauma.
It’s fun to stay at the!
Rude lady to me, “Well I’m sorry but you don’t LOOK sick to me.” Me, “Looks can be deceiving. For example, you don’t look stupid.”
When people say “May I ask who’s calling?” I like to say “Sure, go ahead.”