@ksecaw

* Eats chip

* Almost chokes to death

“Woah that was scary”

* Eats another chip

* Eats chip

* Almost chokes to death

“Woah that was scary”

* Eats another chip

- @ksecaw

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[2 cavemen]

Look what me discover! This game changer!

*grabs it* “This hot! Burn fingers. What you call it?”

*takes back mixtape* FIRE!

@Stexcy

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

@TheTimmyToes

If I were a literary character, I would be the grandpa in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory that doesn’t get to go

@offbeatoliv

Don’t perform CPR because you never know when a giant alien spider is dressed in a human suit.

@briangaar

And I don’t want to hear people from imaginary places like Finland telling me that 57 degrees isn’t cold, save it for the elves, Santa

@RunOldMan

Guy down the street wanted to borrow a wrench so I asked him adjustable, box or open ended, he said the adjustable one you borrowed six months ago.

@Norsebysw

He had the strength of ten men and the confidence of twelve morons.

@robcorddry

Batman’s an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade