ECHO! ECHO! ECHO! Hahaha. Just kidding Tina! But in all seriousness that’s quite a serious infection you have here.

– Me as a Gynaecologist

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Complaining “I have too many books on my TBR”
• negative
• overdone
• false cause you can never have too many books

Saying “I have enough books to carry me through the afterlife”
• impressive
• dramatic goth vibes
• makes the afterlife sound pretty dope


My doctor asked my blood type and I said I don’t really have a ‘type’ I just like blood that makes me laugh


[Alien family passing Earth]
*door lock noise*


Let’s take a moment to be thankful that ponytails don’t wag like dog tails when we’re excited.


Hey, John Wick, I heard the coronavirus saying bad things about your dog


ME: What’s the capital of Germany?


ME: So college is a no then?!


me: Do the villains in Scooby Doo know they have the right to remain silent?


Rambo: First Blood (1982)- After the onset of his first period, Rambo struggles with the emotional roller coaster of becoming a woman.


Every one of my trophies might as well say “Best Trophy Thief.”


Ruin someone’s day by asking to see their tattoo then saying “is it supposed to be crooked?”