Elf cop:”We got a robbery in progress on Candy Cane lane. Hit the light Rudolf!
*Rudolf sticks nose through sunroof*

You Might Also Like


Just saw a five year old in a track suit & a gold chain. His nana didn’t think it was funny when I asked him if he could hook up some blow.


If HBO released all ten episodes of Game of Thrones at once, maybe I’d be able to remember the characters’ names from episode to episode.


i love nature ūüôā sittin in grass, soakin up sun, listenin to all those weird ringtones that come from those animals in the trees or whatever


We’d have serious problems if Peter Jackson ever became president. He’d look at World Wars I and II and see them as an unfinished trilogy.


“Ugh I sent so many drunk carrier pigeons last night” -medieval millennials


My cat just winked at me and now it’s awkward because I only see her as a friend.


I was out with my bf and a waiter called me a ‘cradle robber’ cuz he’s 18 and I’m 43.

Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.


You’d think a dude named Captain Crunch would have amazing abs.


Truth or dare?
Ok, go.
-I get sexually aroused by ALF.
-Your turn. Truth or dare?
-Put on this ALF costume.