@MissHavisham: Email from the PTA tells me if I don’t join, I “will not be allowed inside the school to assist with the children’s class parties” & it’s like whoa whoa whoa threaten me harder.
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@heroinsdemise: What many don't know, "Riverdance" was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.
@WilliamAder: Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have? Me: Don't feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself.
@simoncholland: Wish I was as brave as my kid who just ate zero bites of her dinner and then asked for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear.
@UnimpressedWU: Cat: if my calculations are correct, a meteor will destroy the Earth in 324 days... [What I hear] Cat: meow.. Me: awe, who wants a snuggle?