*gets lockjaw when putting on eyeliner*
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying.
You Might Also Like
Thanks to auto correct, my wife thinks I want to check out Stranger Thongs tonight.
Her: I froze my eggs.
Me: ??? ??? ??????
*at divorce court
Me: She hasn’t touched Mr. Peppy in 10 years, your Honor.
Judge: I’m sorry – What??
Her: I win, right?
[packing for holiday]
WIFE: U don’t have to only put suits in a suitcase
ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don’t make the rules Karen
Alice: I’m late.
White Rabbit: Haha, that’s my line
White Rabbit: oh shit
I got 99 socks but a pair ain’t one
Me: this is shit, I’m changing the channel
Wife: leave the baby monitor alone
barn owls must have been stoked when the barn was invented
Good News: You mean the world to me.
Bad News: The world is pretty lousy right now.