Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
🙂 I’m happy
😉 Having a seizure. Still happy
:/ Having a stroke. Not happy
🙁 I’m a grouper
.) Lost an eye. Still happy
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I stopped eating my feelings a few months ago and holy shit do I have a lot of them here now
Me: Always follow the science.
Also me: Thunders comin’, I can feel it in me noggin.
Me: Goodnight moon
Moon: nothing. It’s fine.
Me: You’re acting distant
Moon: I’m 238,900 miles away
doctor: we’re going to put you to sleep now. have you done this before?
me: yes, every night
No one is full of more false hope than a parent who tries to shower
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
YOU CAN’T BE BOTH A NAZI AND A PROUD AMERICAN.
WE LITERALLY HAD A WAR ABOUT THIS.
THE WHOLE WORLD WAS INVOLVED.
My therapist told me “Write letters to the people you hate, and then burn them.” Did that, but now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
So, when I wear my phone clipped to my belt & a fanny pack, I’m a douche.nnBatman does it & it’s a bad-ass utility belt. nnnDouble standard.