Cop said that it’s illegal for me to have flashing lights & siren on my car.
I looked at his car and said are you going to arrest yourself?
[end of date]
Him: I’ll text you soon.
Her: Cool. I’ll just sit here in your car until you do.
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I don’t ever worry about the kinda world I’m leaving my kids. They’ll just leave their shit everywhere anyhow
Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I’d be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit.
my back wasn’t made for hard labor*
*getting out of bed.
Being nice is exhausting, which is why evil people have so much energy.
The slow disappearance in forks from the silverware drawer solidifies my fears of an upcoming arms race with my children.
Suspicion: I have a boyfriend. But c’mere.
my mom yesterday: do u work tomorrow
my mom today: do u work today
me: yes i already told u
my mom when i’m at work: where are u
God: you’re a dog.
God: the humans are gonna love you.
God: well you have a lot in common.
Dog: really? do they have updog too?
God: what’s updog?
Dog: nothing what’s up with you lol.
God: yep you’re just like them.
Dog: [tail wag].
Saw a deer on my bike but didn’t have my phone to take a pic. Hopefully one day he will return my bike tho