@AngryRaccoon2

Engelbert Humperdinck actually chose that name, he was not born with it.

I think about this a lot.

You Might Also Like

@juneohara65

It seems like every time I consider arson, the price of gas goes up.

@ArfMeasures

Doctor: Are you sexually active?

Me: LMAO! The question should be when am I NOT sexually active!!

Doctor: ok when are you not sexually active?

Me: All the time

@SvnSxty

Me: We’re swimming in debt

Wife: It’s fine

Me: The kids are going nuts

Wife: They’re fine

Me: You haven’t had a break in months

Wife: I’m fine

Me: There’s a possibility that word does not mean what you think it means

Wife: I’M FINE

@TheAlexNevil

“No son of mine is going to spend his entire day playing video games!” I tell everyone on various social media sites.

@RobDenBleyker

I just hope the government doesn’t have my Angry Birds scores. All in all they’re pretty embarassing.

@CherBear162

Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to “THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!”

@Jamberee13

Person: *falls in love with me*

Me: I have felt bad for a spoon I accidentally threw away because it probably thinks I don’t want it anymore and, why is it the only spoon the in the trash.

Person: ok cool, never mind.