@fro_vo

ENTER PASSWORD
password
YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO LITERAL PLEASE TRY AGAIN
again
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW

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@tchrquotes

And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids.

@CatherineLMK

How come when someone says “we need to talk” it’s never about ice cream or Star Wars?

@pixelatedboat

Kids, if you want to succeed in journalism the way to do it is to suck at your job in a way that’s useful to rich people

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The Bank of America app randomly disappeared off my phone and now I’m wondering how much money I spent last night.

@hythemafia

How to fall downstairs……
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@3sunzzz

If you want to receive a text message every 3 minutes for an hour, send your husband to the grocery store.

@OzCricketFan81

If my memory foam mattress really had “memory,” it could write for Penthouse.

@rysox80

Uh oh, happy facebook newlywed, your husband just created a twitter account.

@XplodingUnicorn

7-year-old: I won breakfast!

Me: You can’t win breakfast. You just eat it.

7: Said the loser.

@ShellHasDragons

Your favourite character is Baby Yoda. Mine is Darth Vader. We are not the same.