Firefly= not a fly
Butterfly= not a fly
Mayfly= not a fly
Stonefly= not a fly
Scorpionfly= not a fly

Bee louse= fly

This has been “Entomologic”
#entomologic #entomology #SciComm #bugjokes

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I had a really good charcoal fire going and now there’s nothing grillable left in the house.


Jill on Facebook is trying to find a way to get cat diarrhea out of suede boots and I don’t think I’m hungry for lunch anymore. .


Before asking for my advice, remember that I’ve been stuck upside down in a tree three times this week


Next to my high school yearbook photo it said “Most Likely To Fold Under Pressure”. In your face, haters! I SUCK at timed origami contests.


Why do they only put expiration DATES on food? It’d be fun as hell if they gave us the exact time too. “We got 8 minutes to eat this ham!!!”


*goes in for first kiss*
Before this goes any further, I need to understand your position on naming our kids after water Pokèmon


Him: let’s play a game of rhyme. I’ll go first. Romantic
Me: Panic
Him: Fun
Me: Run
Him: love
Me: shove
Him: this isn’t going well.
Me: hell


Back off. I’ve got enough to deal with today without having to make your death look like an accident.


“For a really awkward time, call me.”

-me, leaving my number on bathroom stalls.