@NeinQuarterly

Europe. Made in Germany.

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@ThisOneSayz

My husband when I ask him a question while he’s standing next to me: Sorry, I didn’t hear you.

Also my husband:

Me: *clears throat*

Husband from different story of the house behind two closed doors: Are you coughing?? Do you have the Rona???

@TheAlexNevil

7 barges into bathroom while I’m showering, laughs & says “I saw your peanut.”
He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.

@phxguy88

The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it.

Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?

@stockejock

‘I just call it like I see it…’ -People giving their unsolicited opinion about their unsolicited opinions.

@BoogTweets

Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?

@T_Bonezzz_

[ First Date ]

Her: OMG, I’ve been talking about myself all night. Tell me a little bit about yourself..

Me: HODOR…

@david8hughes

[in church]
“And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins.”
[vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]

@briangaar

Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home

@Staggfilms

Cat stuck in a tree? Have you tried placing a computer keyboard at the bottom?