@ThisOneSayz
My husband when I ask him a question while he’s standing next to me: Sorry, I didn’t hear you.
Also my husband:
Me: *clears throat*
Husband from different story of the house behind two closed doors: Are you coughing?? Do you have the Rona???
@TheAlexNevil
7 barges into bathroom while I’m showering, laughs & says “I saw your peanut.”
He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.
@phxguy88
The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it.
Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?
@stockejock
‘I just call it like I see it…’ -People giving their unsolicited opinion about their unsolicited opinions.
@BoogTweets
Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?
@T_Bonezzz_
[ First Date ]
Her: OMG, I’ve been talking about myself all night. Tell me a little bit about yourself..
Me: HODOR…
@david8hughes
[in church]
“And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins.”
[vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]
@SCBamaMan
I can count on my hook how many hands I’ve lost.
@briangaar
Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home
@Staggfilms
Cat stuck in a tree? Have you tried placing a computer keyboard at the bottom?
@NeinQuarterly