Cha-ching is my safe word
Europeans’ out of offices are like “I will not be working until 18 September. All emails will be automatically deleted.”
Americans: “I am in the hospital. Email responses may be delayed by up to 30 mins. Sorry for the inconvenience! If urgent, please reach me in the ER at…”
You Might Also Like
[aliens making first contact]
Alien: here you go guys, now you won’t need to wear glasses
Me: It’s the next exit.
Husband: I know! You don’t have to keep telling me. *misses the exit*
Him: Alcohol isn’t the answer.
Me: OK, what’s the answer?
Me: *sips flask*
So, Facebook is celebrating its 10th birthday. What do you buy for the social media app that makes you hate everyone?
CREATION OF MAN
God: And as they age, they shall lose all the hair on their heads and grow more in their ears & noses
Angel: Yes, my Liege
People who tell you to get your kids to help don’t understand how kids work
Twitter’s fun because everyone’s really cynical and snide about everything except *checks hand* … wrestling? that can’t be right
My husband just yelled, “WE DONT GOAT SCREAM IN THE HOUSE!” In case you’re wondering how quarantine is going.
Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving