@Aikiwomannc

Even though Janice had always wanted an extravagant wedding, she couldn’t help but feel putting toilet paper on the bridal registry was a bit over the top.

You Might Also Like

@_wendyb07

Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I’m leaving.

@MartaEffing

*sees person I know in a crowd*
*waves enthusiastically*
* realizes I don’t know person*
* changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*

@CelebrityChez

In retrospect, “so I guess we would all look the same if we were made into sausage” was probably weird small talk for a funeral.

@NotthatAdamWest

Saw a bumper sticker that said ‘Jesus is the answer.’ Two cars later I saw one that said ‘Who farted?’ Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.

@jonnysun

respond to every april fools joke by staring the person directly in the eye and saying “yes, that truly was a fool’s joke”

@AbbeYaar

Just accidentally used yahoo to search for something. I think the entire Yahoo! Search staff are having a party and high fiving each other.

@Ally__Jam

I’ve bought tickets to all One Directions upcoming gigs.They’re not my cup of tea but the tickets say The Doors open at 7:15 and i love them

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

Overheard 2 dad’s at the playground wondering if my kid was as creepy as me.
Joke’s on them. I don’t have kids.