@SchuylerPryor: Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.
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@KimmyMonte: Sometimes, late at night, I'll look up at the stars and wonder if you're also stealing lawn furniture.
@amydillon: [pulling out of the driveway on the way to a holiday party] HUSBAND: Oh, we’re supposed to bring a dessert.
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges with your debit card ME: Wait... how do you know it wasn't me BANK: They entered the PIN correctly on the first try ME: Dear god