@daveexplosm

Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We’re 21st-century cavemen.

You Might Also Like

@Maxine12339

Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven’t bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down.

@KeithAshers

Hi, I’m here to see the doctor. -me

Witch doctor? -reception

Nooo…I think he’s Jewish. -me

[blank stare]

Please sit down.

@LindzThoughts

Guys are probably not very good at Yoga, mainly because every move for them would be called ” The uncomfortable Sausage”

@Home_Halfway

MAMA BEAR: Someones been sleeping in MY bed
PAPA BEAR: Someones been sleeping in MY bed
PAPA ROACH: Someones been cutting MY life to pieces

@cluedont

Why does my wife always wait until I’m at the opposite end of the house before asking me to ‘Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!’?

@unravelingfire

Me: *walking out of dressing room* Ok be honest…

Boyfriend: I’m gay.

@BlotterMonkey

Having kids is like being at a press conference: “No, you can’t put the dog in the washer – next question.” “No, you can’t really fly -next”

@djdarrellripley

Me: (Sigh) There she is.

Him: Sounds like you’re still carrying a torch for her.

Me: Yea, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!