See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they’re playing minecraft.
Every Coronavirus post on Facebook should just start with, “First off, I have no idea what i’m talking about.”
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“Are you ok?”
Never heard of him
I never got in trouble when I was young. Guess I’m making up for that now.
Niece: *screeching like a Valkyrie*
Me: *wasted, drunk-whispering which is just yelling*
Dad: *lecturing someone*
Sister: *bickering with husband*
FAMILY FEUD Host: THIS ISN’T HOW THIS WORKS!
Me: *throat-punches him*
“The fridge door is open!” I yell from upstairs because I’m a woman and I can sense these things.
Who’s the man who, with
just the slightest touch-
gives you chills and makes
you tremble with anticipation ?
Just watched a guy in a shirt that read “Jedi I am” trip on a curb and fall.
Jedi you are not sir
Mom hires magician for birthday party, Voldemort #badluckbrian
That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy’s apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view.
Every night, as I scoop the clumps of waste from the litter box, I wonder to myself what it would be like to have a cat.