When another writer is telling you about their latest script deal.
Every fancy restaurant now is just named after two ingredients you’d never eat together. It’s always like “Basil and Butterscotch” or “Honey and Clam.”
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[following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho
Mob Boss: Did you check the money for marks?
Me: Why would I, we’ve never had a president named Mark
Mob Boss: …
Me: *getting nervous* H-have we?
I lost a friend over my bastardization of common idioms, but I think she should just let pylons be pylons.
My spirit animal is a fat raccoon struggling to get into a dumpster
A Spanish friend working in UK happily for years reply to taunts re being kicked out: “Well, I can choose 27 other countries; you can’t”
It’s the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it.
Todays stats: My 3yr old got pissed off with me because I couldn’t stop the wind.
First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I’ll do in the air.
BREAKING NEWS ON FACEBOOK!
Pam wants everyone to know what a great husband Don has been these last 8 years & for making her so very happy!