@AsgardianRose

Every kiss begins with ‘K’ I whisper quietly to myself as I read his one letter response to my last 7 text messages.

You Might Also Like

@joekjoek

Sex is like pizza. Turtles are having it in the sewers.

@junejuly12

Yells to my family from the kitchen, “That was the mustard squeeze bottle!”

@_ElvishPresley_

A jellyfish can go its entire lifetime without ever meeting a peanutbutterfish

@KSekouM

Banana: I’m not ripe yet
Banana: I’m not ripe yet
Banana: I’m not ripe yet
Banana, whispering at 3am in the morning: i’m r i p e
Banana at 8am that morning: HAHAHA I’M ROTTEN BOOOOOOOOY, WELCOME TO BROWN TOWN.

@TheToddWilliams

[Sherwood Forest]

LITTLE JOHN: Go through it one more time for me

ROBIN HOOD: Ok…we rob from the rich…

LITTLE JOHN: Right

ROBIN HOOD: …and we give to the poor

LITTLE JOHN: And then we rob them

ROBIN HOOD: What? No! Why would we do that?

LITTLE JOHN: Cause now they rich.

@TheAlexNevil

Little known trivia:

If you go to Ikea without your significant other, the store will provide you someone to fight with, free of charge.

@beefman138

[Logging in]

• Password must be 6 digits

Me : *Types “6 digits”*

Computer : You are an imbecile.