@stEPH_u_

Every parent: do you know how to get there? You just make a left then right then through 3 lights then a left and it’s a mile ahead on the right

Me: *nods as I type the address into google maps*

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@Flykins

regardless means without regard

irregardless means the same as regardless except you never had any English classes

@E_lok44

He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper.
I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives.

@Its_Miss_Riss

Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel.

@LinajkReturns

Talking with a 17 year-old who is ‘living life with no regrets’ reminds me of that time I got in a shouting match with a trout.

@Spaziotwat

Sorry to bang on about this but the lack of references to penguins in the Bible is undermining my faith

@junejuly12

Her: sobbing, smashing Doritos and cupcakes into her mouth*

Him: how was your day, babe?

@p01arst0rm

AAA publishers: “CUSTOMERS WANT HUGE $60 EXPERIENCE WITH EPIC OPEN WORLDS AND CUTTING EDGE GRAPHICS”

gamers: “haha honk honk im an angry goose”

@SortaBad

My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I’m 1 million percent sure this is Adele’s fault

@ADHDeanASL

16 yo daughter: I feel like nobody spends time with me

*returns to bedroom where she has had herself locked in for the last 742 days*