@Elifcello: Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.
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@celticrose2312: I bought shampoo for "badly behaved" hair. So relieved my hair will finally stop robbing banks and terrorising old ladies.
@squirrel74wkgn: Me (trying to impress my date): I'll have the garden fresh salad Drive-thru: Dressing? Me: Ummm, nope. Just sitting in my car
@trevso_electric: "Smells fresh. Like a tropical island." "Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"
@sween: I can't imagine how stressed Americans are feeling right now. I'm Canadian and I'm chugging maple syrup and just punched a moose.