My neighbor hates when I go over to borrow a cup of money.
Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders.
You Might Also Like
Every single employee in this hotel has said good morning to me. I’m never staying here again.
Scroll your phone,
gently down the screen.
MY GOD THAT’S OBSCENE!!!!!!!!!
SON: How are monster trucks made?
ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth-
ME: He’s old enough for the facts, Jane
God: eat the green apples but NEVER touch the red ones
Adam & Eve: [brand new humans] what is green and red?
God: eh you’ll figure it out
Studies show people lose interest in a tweet right about now
*Feels the cool breeze caressing my skin*
Cool breeze: I have a girlfriend
Meatloaf was so named because of his incredible likeness to his father, Meatlo.
NATE (naive): Want to share a pickle with me? Oh wait, I don’t have a knife.
ME (has seen Lady and the Tramp): Don’t even worry, pal.
Dog: BORK BORK BORK
Human: STOP BARKING
How Dog Interprets this exchange
Dog: LOUD NOISES
Human: ALSO LOUD NOISES
Dog: O COOL WE R MAKIN LOUD NOISES TOGETHER NOW FREN LETS KEEP GOIN
Human: MORE LOUD NOISES
Dog: UR SO GOOD AT THIS