@Ms_WhateverV

Every store should have one line for people who have their shit together.

You Might Also Like

@ThugRaccoons

Me: *delivering breakfast in bed*

Wife: OMG! What a nice surprise!

Me: Would you say it was uneggspected?

Wife:

Me: Omelette you eat now

@FeverFlave

[inventing worcestershire ?sauce]

Lea: We’ll bottle pickled anchovy juice and name it unpronounceable.

Perrins: That might work.

@AmishPornStar1

Y’know who else threw the bubble-wrap away without popping all the bubbles?

Hitler

@t0m_t0m

“You’re like a brother to me”

First of all, I’m a Lannister

@JessiCanadian

8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I’m just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there.

@Rachelnoise

Chemistry, ok. But soulmates? You’d think if our spirits were perfectly matched, they’d be comfortable at the same thermostat setting.

@eliserose5

If you are older than 17 and have mad love for Justin Bieber ,you are the reason whales are the most intelligent species.

@Super_Cynthia

[Commercial for hobbies]

Like drugs for people who don’t do drugs.

“HOBBIES”

@JJSummertime

The fridge drawer is marked “crisper” but it is pronounced “rotter.”