Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?
Every time someone makes a typo, I look at the location of the letters on the keyboard to consider whether it’s justified.
You Might Also Like
She has a weimerhi…wimerrihym….wimmerhie…
She has a big gray dog.
JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA NOOOOOOOOO JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJ AIREEEEEE JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA
Son: I want a LEGO Millennium Falcon for Christmas
Me: *checking price online* would you settle for the actual Millennium Falcon?
If you want to take a date out for an expensive dinner may I suggest eating at the airport?
If you tell me I can only have sex with your sister over your dead body,
your funeral is going to be awkward for some of your family.
I mean, really though, who hasn’t seen a UFO at this point?
There’s no subtle way of starting a game of dodgeball at a yoga class.
Think my wife is a little OCD since whenever I go out with the kids I need to come home with the exact same amount.
I parent like I dance. Badly but with enthusiasm.