Every woman is wrong until she starts crying… Then she’s right.

You Might Also Like


My wife does this thing where she hides all my stuff but calls it, “putting them away.”


I cross-bred an octopus and a panda. Let me know if you’re interested in a pretty amazing hug.


The adult life I imagined as a child involved less laundry and more group dance numbers.


[city marathon]

ME *handing out drinks to the passing runners*: DRINK?

RUNNER *grabs drink from me*: THANKS

ME *chasing*: SO WHAT ARE WE?


Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner.


THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR… CLAUSTROPHOBIC MAN (runs into a phone booth) (runs out, crying) no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no n-




I like to intentionally barge into guys wearing camo and then look around bewildered like I have no idea what I just ran into.


INVENTOR OF GLUE: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff.

TIM: Dude…is everything okay at home?


– Your Honor, I’d like to plead insanity.
– On what grounds?!
– I’m married.
– I’ll allow it.