@DanteEvilCat: "Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills...

@Chhapiness: Embarrassed that our five year old walked into the bedroom at 2am and saw us pulling the blanket to hide our phones and cheese sticks

@shegotagronk: I went to church today just to thank God I'm not Miley Cyrus.

@murrman5: *texts son "dont say me" as wife heads to his bedroom* wife to son: why did you put next years date on your science paper about time travel?

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: Of course I care about ethical farming practices and proper nutrition. My eggs came from chickens who were fed only the finest vegetarians.