Everyone asks me when I’m gonna start a family but no one asks me when I’m gonna stop a family

You Might Also Like


Filled the birdbath with Nescafé just to see the startled look on those vagrant House Finches.


Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.


the first snowflake of winter: *falls*



Pretty sure these are the same ingredients in my shampoo.

-me, reading the Pringles can.


My favorite pickup line is when a guy just slides an order of mozzarella sticks towards me.


sometimes killer whales hunt moose, and if that doesn’t scare and confuse you, it probably should


Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There’s no need to remind him every 6 months about it.


Daughter: You’re invading my personal space

Mom: You came out of my personal space


Women! Can’t live with ’em, can’t sell ’em or Liam Neeson will find you and kill you.