A recent study shows that 90% of all adults have a chronic or even fatal disease
The other 10% don’t use Web MD
EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY!
It…it’s a sawed-off shotgun.
“Aren’t you supposed to use the other half?”
You Might Also Like
I’m not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don’t give them lunch or breakfast
I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. “You’ll die too,” I say.
“9 lives,” my cat whispers, lighting a match.
him: you’re not like other girls
me, at the urinal next to him: how
Whenever my teen cleans his room, I get a brand new set of dishes.
“Erectile Dysfunction” is such a harsh term. Why not just call it “Sleepy Peepee?”
I’m a man of conviction, but no jail time.
Every kiss begins with K but so does every kidnapping. That’s how words work people.
Husband: How much Halloween candy should we get?
Me: We went through 2 pounds last year.
Husband: We didn’t have any trick-or-treaters last year.
Me: *death glare*
I keep checking my bank account like a hungry person checking an empty refrigerator. Neither one is going to magically be full.