I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
EVERYONE! Single file into the ocean, please.
You Might Also Like
Distraught after losing a full carton of milk, I tattooed its photo on my kid’s face, in hope someone recognizes and returns it.
[Commercial for condoms]
*a baby cries*
Women don’t mind compliments on their shoes from under a bathroom stall, it’s when you ask to try them on that they get all weird about it
Eventually, everyone will be quarantined to their houses with no sports to watch… and in 9 months from now a boom of babies will be born… and we will call them the coronials. #Coronials #Youhearditherefirst
Whenever I type ‘drink’, autocorrect changes it to ‘drunk’. It’s like it can predict my future.
Hubby just choked after he bit into a grape and it squirted down his throat….
Not as easy as it looks is it?
Eternal damnation for the sorry acquaintance who cons you into watching his favorite film and keeps looking to see if you’re reacting.
eating red meat increases your chances of dying by 13%. i now have a 113% chance of dying.
H: What’s for breakfast?
M: I’m having potatoes and orange juice. *sips juice*
H: Great, when are you making potatoes?
M: They’re in my orange juice.