@ObscureGent: Everyone wants to be a Viking until you set them out to sea on a boat that's on fire.
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@AndyAsAdjective: 20YR OLD ME: awww yeah! a new car! 30YR OLD ME: aww yeah! a new Xbox 360! 40YR OLD ME: aw yeah! a new shower curtain with a mildew-resistant liner!
@junejuly12: Toasters must work on some exponential scale. Two minutes barely toasted. Ten more seconds burned beyond recognition.
@DumbConfessions: *sees couple holding hands* *violently breaks them apart* "Go. You're free now."