@UnrealRogue

[Exchanging gifts at family’s house]

*family opens up my gifts
-uh, a history book?

Your Facebook post suggested that you needed it.

You Might Also Like

@JimmySelfDest

Mother in law found me… On the twitter

This will be converted into a pineapple upside down cake blog for the next 72 hours.

I’m so sorry

@Arteymis

No, I am not insulting you. I am just describing you.

@SamuelHLowe

– What do you do to relax?
– I enjoy people watching.
– The most relaxing thing for me is singing in the shower.
– I know.

@DothTheDoth

Practice self-care like werewolves: carry deeply emotional secrets everywhere you go & once a month eat the hearts of all who have wronged you.

@Birdhumms

They say you are what you eat.

*opens a big bag of nuts

@_SingleBabyMama

“I don’t have that many gray hairs. I’ll just pluck them out.”

aaaaand….now I’m bald.

@chuuew

ME: Got any hobbies?

DATE: I’m a big horse fan

ME: You’re thinking of a giraffe

@polyhumorous

Why did it have to be the dog? I have the hubby insured for $1.5 million.