Is a pamphlet just a smaller pamph? What the heck is a pamph? People make no sense.
Excited for Game of Thrones tonight because it’ll be nice to see civilized political discourse for a change.
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An octopus should have eightacles, not ten.
What’d you do this weekend, Aimee?
*shuts off lights & pulls out flashlight*
*acts out weekend with shadow puppets*
Wife: [helping daughter with homework] the War of 1812 was between?
Daughter: I don’t know.
Me: [mouthful of skittles] 1811 and 1813.
It’s like you don’t appreciate this bag of toenails and I can’t deal with this right now.
Me: I never lie.
Counselor: Why do you resent your wife
Me: She made me get out of line for Springsteen tix
M: Something about her water breaking
We get ground beef from cows and sky beef from birds
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I’m great at pole dancing.
OK I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS WHOLE HILLARY EMAILS THING. TURNS OUT THEYRE LIKE A FAST KIND OF MAIL THAT GOES IN THE COMPUTER.