When someone says, “Good luck with that” they actually mean “Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail.”
Excruciating cashier small talk; brought to you by chip card readers.
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Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
It’s the 13th anniversary of “Umbrella”. What a good excuse for…
At what age do humans become manipulative pieces of shit? Is it three? Feels like it’s three.
If you’re wearing sunglasses & it’s not at all sunny out, you can’t get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street.
Everyone: 2020 is gonna be my year!
i don’t know who needs to hear this but u don’t love disney u just haven’t been happy since u were 11
me: instead of a baby I think I’ll get a dog
midwife: no, you won’t
The Mens Rights subreddit did a poll to show how diverses their users are. They are 80% Single, white, 18-24, american males. HAHAHAHAHAHA
And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.