GOD: So how do you like the flying?
PENGUIN: Meh it’s no big deal
GOD: Oh is that right
Excuse me while I go powder the inside of my nose.
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8:I like cheese!
Me:I like cheese more.
8:No! I like cheese more! I love cheese!
Me:You don’t know what you’re getting into here.
Pres: Our biggest fears have come true…
*I run to check on the donuts
*Stroll back in, spitting crumbs “what’s wrong?”
Laziness is a dish best served delivered.
Chicken feet heels
If I die before I wake, please convince mom this twitter account is fake. Amen.
*a friend tells me their problems*
me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?
#IAmHonoredBy my 12 year old telling me he needs me. He wanted a new gadget of course but the thought was there.
Dad come get me from practice
“Sorry I’m going into a tunnel” *sound of mom giggling*
But I called the *connection drops* …landline
Someone needs to tell Madonna you can’t call it “Girls Gone Wild” when you’re a 100.