Excuse me while I go powder the inside of my nose.

You Might Also Like


GOD: So how do you like the flying?
PENGUIN: Meh it’s no big deal
GOD: Oh is that right


8:I like cheese!

Me:I like cheese more.

8:No! I like cheese more! I love cheese!

Me:You don’t know what you’re getting into here.


{Company meeting}
Pres: Our biggest fears have come true…

*I run to check on the donuts

*Stroll back in, spitting crumbs “what’s wrong?”


If I die before I wake, please convince mom this twitter account is fake. Amen.


*a friend tells me their problems*
me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?


#IAmHonoredBy my 12 year old telling me he needs me. He wanted a new gadget of course but the thought was there.


Dad come get me from practice
“Sorry I’m going into a tunnel” *sound of mom giggling*
But I called the *connection drops* …landline


Someone needs to tell Madonna you can’t call it “Girls Gone Wild” when you’re a 100.