*a single grain of pollen enters my nose*
My sinuses: We refuse to work in these hostile and unsafe conditions
Exec 1: So, you wait in long lines. No shade. Crying kids. Drinks cost $7.00.
Exec 2: Nice. What do we call it?
E1: Lol, “amusement park.”
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If I’m ever dangling off a cliff and your hands are full of mikes hard lemonades you better give me one so i can be refreshed on my way down
It’s easier to travel back in time and stop yourself from being born than it is to delete your Facebook account.
No, he would not have.
Area Man Already Knows Which Chicken Tender He’s Saving For Last
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Chris: I don’t care.
Kris: I don’t kare either.
*looks up at lightbulb
*looks back at phone
Me: Hi. I can’t take your call right now but please leave a message.
CW: I’m standing right in front of yo…