My flight was delayed 3 hours so I was doing what any human does when they’re bored. Minding my own business swiping through tinder & the guy behind me goes “ouch hard no for that one?” And I turn around ONLY TO SEE THE MAN I JUST SWIPED NO ON BEHIND ME HAHAHA
Exec: So we’ve done fantastic beasts, what’s next?
JK Rowling: A restaurant guide called fantastic feasts and where to find them?
JK Rowling: A book about bread making called fantastic yeasts and where to find them?
Exec: Is everything ok at home JK?
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ok here’s the deal. Yes it was dumb of NASA to ask Sally Ride if she needed 100 tampons for a 7-day mission, but I would have said “Actually I need 250” because that’s free tampons from the government, babbbbyyy.
You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they’re probably a cab driver.
“I’M COLD!” yells the teen who is wearing shorts & a tshirt in 40 degree weather & ignored his mother when she said to dress warmer.
fred flintstone was the first ever man to become a vitamin
COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim’s mirror
ME: You can’t prove it was me
COP: It was written in Dorito dust
ME: I want a lawyer
Drunk octopus wants to fight. He will rip your coat off your back.
Him: What are you thinking?
Me: (blushing) I don’t wanna say
Him: You can tell me
Me: I wish I knew more about campaign finance law
well this was fun.