@Carbosly

Facebook: I’m happy!
Instagram: I’m pretty!
Vine: I’m artsy!
Pinterest: I’m crafty!
Twitter: I’m lying everywhere but here.

You Might Also Like

@baeblacksheep

Trojan condoms were named after a city that was maliciously and deceitfully entered and then burned to the ground? Hmmm….

@Whatevah_Amy

Apparently, saying “grande” in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.

@dance_blessed

1. Get tipsy.
2. Go into a tanning bed.
3. Pretend you’re a panini.

@Sean_Burgundy_

People usually stop coming over to your house when you greet them with “Make yourself at home, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T OPEN THE FREEZER.”

@ExcuseMyTweets

The Bank of America app randomly disappeared off my phone and now I’m wondering how much money I spent last night.

@IamJackBoot

We never dreamed that one day we’d sit at work and use our phones to spy on our mailmen with our doorbells.

@FudgeRobot

Sometimes when I’m about to sneeze, I snort some glitter. Then when I finally sneeze, glitter fills the air and people think I’m a wizard.

@iwearaonesie

*pours 2 glasses of wine*
*gives one to wife*
*gives other one to wife*