BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water.
facebook is always sending me suggestions of “an event that might interest you” – it all interests me, facebook! trust me! it’s not for a lack of interest … so, if you could please tweak these suggestions to “an event that you can afford” … that would be great … thanks
You Might Also Like
“Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre– never mind” – Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
[deciding when to tweet]
Me: *throws grass into the air* Not yet
new boss: mind sharing an office?
NB: Good [points to room filled w/wolves] bc we finally contained them please keep the door closed
Her: ‘Do I look fat in this?’
Me: ‘Do I look stupid in this?’
I love hoodies because maybe I work out, maybe I ate 4 whole large pizzas last week. You don’t know.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling “I HAVE THE POWEEER!” like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.
Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren’t your pants. Give them back to your sister.
her: we should get a labrador
me: idk seems like ppl with those go blind
wife: our house is on fire! who you gonna call?!
ghostbusters (standing in ashes): u really should’ve called the fire department