It’s cute that kids think they’re safer with the light on, when actually it makes you more vulnerable and easier to spot.
You: Going to a concert tonight!
Friend: Sweet, what concert?
Aunt: WHAT IS ITUNEZ?????? HOW IS YOUR DAD????? I LOVE YOU XOXOXO
You Might Also Like
The jerk store called. *removes hat* I’m afraid there’s been an accident.
When I’m old, I’m gonna giggle uncontrollably, squirm, and go all sack of potatoes on my son when he tries to get me in the car as payback.
If you’re looking for someone to mute the National Geographics channel and narrate the animals thoughts, look no further.
I never know what to do with my hands during pictures,
so I get it gang members, I totally get it.
These cat babies are straight up gangsta. I’m going to name them all after Friends characters. The one I hate will be Ross.
North Carolina just legalized same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
This morning I woke from a dream. I have no memory of it except that I was asking someone, “Is constipation a problem for fish?”
Toto: I blessed Lorraine down in Africa
Adele: I set fire to Lorraine
Johnny Nash: I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone
Lorraine: Stop it
[Takes dog to park]
*waits for romantic comedy to begin