@GavinProbably

Facebook-

You: Going to a concert tonight!

Friend: Sweet, what concert?

Aunt: WHAT IS ITUNEZ?????? HOW IS YOUR DAD????? I LOVE YOU XOXOXO

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@findmydolls

It’s cute that kids think they’re safer with the light on, when actually it makes you more vulnerable and easier to spot.

@Cryptoterra

The jerk store called. *removes hat* I’m afraid there’s been an accident.

@mommy_cusses

When I’m old, I’m gonna giggle uncontrollably, squirm, and go all sack of potatoes on my son when he tries to get me in the car as payback.

@TeflonPawn

If you’re looking for someone to mute the National Geographics channel and narrate the animals thoughts, look no further.

@LosLos__

I never know what to do with my hands during pictures,
so I get it gang members, I totally get it.

@stonedcognition

These cat babies are straight up gangsta. I’m going to name them all after Friends characters. The one I hate will be Ross.

@GrumpyBahr

North Carolina just legalized same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.

@mishacollins

This morning I woke from a dream. I have no memory of it except that I was asking someone, “Is constipation a problem for fish?”

@0v3rthOught

Toto: I blessed Lorraine down in Africa

Adele: I set fire to Lorraine

Johnny Nash: I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone

Lorraine: Stop it