6 FEET MEANS 6 MF FEET! 😂😩🔥
You: Going to a concert tonight!
Friend: Sweet, what concert?
Aunt: WHAT IS ITUNEZ?????? HOW IS YOUR DAD????? I LOVE YOU XOXOXO
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No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in their coffee.
If you guys were impressed by the “but wait, it’s actually cake” thing, wait until I tell you about the guy I dated who turned out to be a Thanksgiving turkey
some days you look in the mirror and all you see is a Botero painting
I use these ( … ) a lot.
For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
the sky opens up and meteors begin crashing into the earth. dust and debris fly everywhere. “SORRY EVERYONE” this is obviously my fault. of course the apocalypse would happen today. i just had to wear my brand new white pants
Long distance relationships sucks 😳😳
Fridge you’re coming to my room.?
Babysitting Pro Tip: Make them play Dungeons & Dragons until they love it so their parents will never have to worry about teenage pregnancy.
Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
Me: Of course…we have free healthcare.
Jurassic Park (1993): An old man with ungodly amounts of money doesn’t have any common sense.