@zero3_benz: FACT: Carrots may be good for your eyes but alcohol will double your vision.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TweetsByKaylee: [marriage counseling] prince eric: i just feel like the communication is lacking ariel [frantically gesturing at legs and mouth]: Mm hm HM hm hm MM
@leslid79: 32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing.
@RuinMyWeek: Nurse: "It says here you're lacoste intolerant? Is that a typo?" Me: "No. I just really, really can't stand polos with crocodiles on them."