SHOW ME A PHOTO OF YOUR INFANT I WILL SHOW YOU 20 OF MY CAT
Fact: If you get pulled over, as the cop is walking up to you, place an aluminum foil hat on your head and you disappear from his vision.
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I have a memory like one of those big grey things you know the ones I mean.
How are you feeling?
*board begins spelling*
What the!? A cheesy board!?
Of course I support real issues.
I donate hundreds of dollars to the Girl Scouts every year for the ‘No Cookie Left Uneaten’, movement
Guy: I’m an organist
Me: what you got against organs?
Date: so you’re profile said you’re a big Taylor Swift fan. You must like her a lot.
Me (74 feet tall): I like her a moderate amount
Does superman ever go back to get his clothes, or is Metropolis just full of hobos running around in glasses and Clark Kent outfits?
MY MOM: [handing me my hulk hands] Good luck on your date tonight.
Genie: “You have 3 wishes.”
Ian: “I wish for everyone to be equal.”
Genie: “Okay. You have no wishes.”
crazy how before dating apps the only way to meet someone was to bump headfirst into them while carrying a huge stack of important papers