This makes me crack up every time I see it.
facte: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once
You Might Also Like
pokes it in the eye
KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine
DAD: hey buddy, why don’t you give the kid a turn
LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE’RE IN LOVE
him: I’m a cat person.
me: [trying to impress]
*bites him when he tries holding my hand
What i said : I really like this song
What i meant : Shut your face for the next few minutes
[to the secretary before I go in for job interview] “when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine”
Dad: Go. Play. Outside.
8: But I want to draw on walls
Mom: Why don’t you go with him?
I’ve got three children’s parties in the next 24 hours.
If I don’t make it: tell my kids it’s their fault.
Text your dad “egg salad sandwich” four times in one day. He’ll probably think his phone is broken.
I smile whenever I say “cheese” regardless of whether or not my picture is being taken