@RandomlyMJ

Falling for someone from Twitter is as intelligent as trying to give yourself a lobotomy with a sharpened jelly donut.

You Might Also Like

@Darlainky

Larry Hagman- dreams of Jeannie

Larry Hangman- d_ea_s _f _ea_ _ie

@jimmy_sharpe

Ever accidentally say ‘I love you’ to important business customers on the phone? Me too. I MEAN ME NEITHER.

@RidiculousSheri

I know you’re the instructor but I’ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!

@dinokitten

“Dude go make the first move on her!”

“Okay fine, but I’m not too sure what I’m doing.”

*approaches girl*

“Knight to f3”

@coalslag

Lackadaisical: when you have misplaced your daisical.

@djdarrellripley

Me: Let’s go outside & make love in the rain.

Her: What if there’s lightning?

Me: Then you get to be on top…

@DameSpunky

*hears giggling kids

7: Then baby cows can just walk into my house!

Me (in the bathroom): WHAAAAT?