Me: look at these colorful leaves, fall is so beautiful
Leaf: *cough* behold the desolation of my brothers *wheeze* death surrounds us all
Falling in love is like diving into a tin of marshmallows, then hitting your head on the bottom.
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[best women in the world]
15. are the
13. in the
8. rank them
7. in order
6. of greatness
3. are all
1. my mum
I don’t mean to appear simple-minded but I don’t understand how snails made it to Noah’s Ark but unicorns didn’t.
I giveth, and I taketh away. Why? Because I recycleth.
The letter n always has to be the centre of attention.
What is your biggest weakness?
“Sometimes I’m too succinct”
Can you give an example?
ME: I have zero interest in owning a parrot.
CLERK: This parrot is 80% off.
ME: I will take 4 parrots.
Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
CNN: Trump removes screaming baby from rally
Fox News: Trump rally interrupted by another unruly, entitled protestor who still lives at home
[on my deathbed]
wife: what is it!! what are you trying to say?
me: ah…… alexa…… play despacito