@fluffysuse: Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.
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@_Tempo11: If you leave your dog tied up outside a corner store I'm walking it. No need to ask. Be back soon.
@Ygrene: [being murdered at work] Me: *being murdered* Murderer: *murdering me* Boss: let me know how I can help (it is unclear who he’s talking to)
@Home_Halfway: FRIEND: Your smoothie looks awesome ME: Thanks. It's just 20oz of guacamole, it cost me $310
@FeelingEuphoric: PRINCE: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair! RAPUNZEL: (to hair) you're really sweet but I think we should just be friends