@fluffysuse

Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.

Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.

- @fluffysuse

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@TheAlexNevil

*cop throws the book at me*

*I throw it back at him*

Librarian: *grabs us by the ears and escorts us out*

@Phook75

I don’t like the Man I become when I answer Dora before my toddler does

@RexHuppke

My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar’s birth certificate.

@frickashley

what everyone’s tl looks like now that we can retweet ourselves

@ch000ch

u could put a horse in a time machine and send it to any era and the horse’s life would literally be the same

@ol_boo

I just saw a woman on here that had looking for a faithful man in her bio. Looks like you’ve come to the right place

@haikuplatypus

Hour 6 without sex:
(oh, you mean with someone else?)
Year 8 without sex:

@BuckyIsotope

“What’s up, doc?” says Bugs Bunny. “Not you,” laughs the doctor. “Take these little blue pills.”
*Looney Tunes music plays*

@envydatropic

Nothing says you don’t trust your family like pre-payment of your funeral