*Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: “Who was that, your girlfriend?” *Everyone laughs* NERD: “Nope. It was yours.” *Dead silence*
[family using ouija board after my death]
brother: how is heaven?
me: S U C K S
me: N O D R U G S
brother: [nervously laughing] he’s prolly kidding haha dude moms here too
me: J K M O M H A H A
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INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us
ME: yes…why do i want this job
INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]
Me: Ok I’m just gonna lay down for like 15 minutes.
[11 Days later]