[fancy restaurant]
Me: do you have orange cat food?
Wife [whispers to waiter]: he means lasagna

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Teach a man to fish, and you’ll have the weekends to yourself.


[first date]

DATE: I think cat people are psychopaths

ME: *slowly pushes date’s coffee off table*


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Canadian Tinder users are 56% male, 44% female and 33% holding a fresh trout